


the way he shaped me.

by kihyunswoc



Category: YG Entertainment | YG Family, iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Chaptered, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sexual thoughts, Very angst, basically hanbin is too sad for jiwon and jiwon is too happy for hanbin, but!! they learn to build eachother up throughout the story, dark bc hanbin is depressed and has very bad anxiety, enjoy, ikon is already a group, jinhwan knows hanbin loves jiwon, jiwon is oblivious to hanbins feelings towards him don't get mad at him he's new to this, this is based in new kids era! so! hanbins feelings have been bottled up for a long time haha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-11-19 16:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11317020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunswoc/pseuds/kihyunswoc
Summary: where hanbin loves jiwon but knows he couldn't admit it to jiwon or himself.or, where hanbin is dealing with so much maybe throughout the process he didn't know how much he needed jiwon.:all lowercase and will be edited at the end!:





	1. Inside Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ikon fic and it's chaptered! bare with me it's my first time posting on here:') my twitter is kwonsyoo if anyone wants to talk! <3

 

maybe it was that saturday morning when hanbin woke up and immediately thought to himself, _jiwon_ , _jiwon_ , _jiwon_.

or maybe it was 2 months ago where hanbin saw an extremely attractive photo of jiwon and his face turned a bright red and his left hand was automatically in his gray sweats.

nope scratch that.

hanbin knew it was the little things. 

they way jiwon had a diary filled with lyrics and how hanbin adored his writing.

they would spend long nights and short days in the studio working on songs.

they shared a room, so little 'disagreements' would be brought up but seconds later, resolved. it's how their relationship was. they knew eachother for such a long time it was almost like they were 'brothers' GROSS, hanbin often thinks when people call them that. hanbin wanted more with jiwon but he knows that not only will that fuck up their super long friendship they have, it'll tear hanbin apart knowing that his deeper problems will now be jiwons.

he couldn't stand to see him with mino, not because he hates him, but because he's absolutely jealous.

the mobb unit they did awhile back, not only did it make hanbin feel unwanted and not good enough for the both of them to have their own unit, but it made hanbin feel like he was losing his bestfriend. they went to the states and toured 6 cities and did their own asia tour.

at this very exact moment, they were preparing for their highly anticipated comeback and hanbin was walking to the practice room like a child, excited but overworked. the whole group has been busy and it's been maybe 2 months since he seen jiwon, he was with his family and hanbin was absolutely not ready for what these couple months were going to bring.


	2. Studio Sessions

i walked into the room so damn nervous. i felt like a new kid who just moved and is trying to make friends at his local highschool.

they were all talking on the floor and when i walked in their eyes lit up like no other. i missed them, i missed this.

they squeezed me so tightly that i literally couldn't breathe.

except for... hanbin? weird. maybe he wasn't feeling it today since he's always been to himself and sad lately, i don't know why. 

♡

"give me a hug bin!" jiwon said with a huge smile on his face, with his dimples poking out.

i dug my face into the crook of his neck and wow did he smell wonderful.

"i missed you" jiwon said as he pulled away from our hug and ruffled up my hair a bit. "studio session later?" he looked at me and said.

"promise!" i said with a huge smile. 

fuck hanbin could you be anymore obvious?

we all practiced and practiced until it fell to night, it was full of happiness and laughter.

we then ate dinner and hurried back to our dorms.

i took a quick shower and waited for jiwon.

"ready?" he announced as he walked in.

"sure am." i said and got up, we walked to the studio that was 2 blocks away and had a conversation and laughs.

"so how was visiting your family like? anything new?" i asked.

the street lamps bright white light reflected off his face as he smiled.

"oh bin it was amazing! i missed them, i felt extremely happy and content with life you know? but enough about me, what happened when i was gone?" 

"just lots of writing and practicing that's all nothing new" i said and my eyes wandered away, i felt a huge sadness come over me, fuck i need to get over him. i have too. 

we got to the studio and immediately went to writing.

i have to say, my feelings for jiwon was hard to admit, i've felt something for him and being gay isn't bad here in korea, of course not. but i cant just walk around with "IM GAY" tattooed on my forehead. yg hates scandals, he wouldn't like jiwon and i to do this. yg knows about my sexuality, he's so openminded, surprisingly. 

i've had a few girl and guy hookups in the past but i've known i've liked boys since birth. but ever since jiwon opened up as bisexual, it's been weird? like what if he likes me? does he feel the same way about me the way i do?

i wouldn't say we flirt but there's times the compliments seemed more than a compliment, or when we cuddle and skinship is shown more than ever. the sexual and nonsexual tension between jiwon and i isn't high but it's... definitely there. i know he wouldn't want to start a relationship with me but i wished maybe if i could finally grow some balls i could confront him myself, but that's what the future is for, opportunities and love. 

there's a mattress with sheets, pillows and blankets. since that's where i stay most of the week. it was getting late and we didn't want to walk back, we were satisfied with our new track and laid back onto the bed, jiwon played seasons of love by seo in guk.

"sad much?" i said joking putting on a pouty face.

"oh shut up! you know you love this song" jiwon said, hiding his face under the covers.

"touché" i smiled. 

"are you taking your pills?" jiwon asked.

"of course." i said, he's worried i know but he won't admit it. i've been struggling ever since.

"we will get through this i promise" 

i nod and say a quick i know and turn my back against him.

he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him and i immediately felt a hotness in my cheeks. 

"goodnight binnie." he said with a low voice.

"night." i said. 

he fell asleep quickly and i turned to face him and he positioned his arms around me again. i missed this, but how i really wish we had something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so nobody won't be confused, jiwon and hanbin are extremely close! their skinship and cuddling is normal for jiwon, but hanbin has always thought more!!! :) thank you for the kudos and hits!! :') i appreciate it so much! comment if you'd like it'll make me a happy gal. ill try to update when i can! i get distracted easily but then i get bored and writers block oops lol bare with me:) 
> 
> twt: kwonsyoo


	3. Comeback

i woke up with jiwon not in bed but i checked my phone and saw a text from him that said,

from: jiwon 형  
got a call from yg earlier, had to leave, but ill be back around 12 pm, i picked you up some breakfast it's in fridge! 

i replied back with a quick, "thanks, see you then" 

as i ate the food i wondered, yg? oh no i hope this involves all of us this time.

hours pass by and all i did was write, write and write. 

i looked up at the clock and it was 12:00 exactly and then jiwon walks in.

"right on time huh?" jiwon says and i laugh

"just like always" i roll my eyes, "but what did yg talk to you about?" 

"oh! he wanted to tell me that he needs all of us there next week. i think he has a comeback date scheduled for us!" he said with so much enthusiasm 

"REALLY?" i said out loud and jiwon jumped with me, "what if he doesn't like the 3 songs we wrote? what if he pushes our date back again?" i continued,

"i hope he likes our songs, let's just have hope kay?" jiwon says with confidence, i nod. 

we began to walk back to the dorms after a couple of hours writing more.

we got back home, ate, laughed, talked ya know the same old same old. 

i showered and mentally prepared myself for another night of feeling horrible. 

jiwon was already asleep, thank god.

i layed down and immediate sadness was already flowing through my body, i dont know why i constantly feel like this, unneeded and weak.

maybe after win i shouldn't have counted on jiwon that much, we've been friends for a long time and it kind of felt forced at first, i always looked up to him and he has told me the same but i couldn't bring myself to come to terms with these "feelings" or whatever i have towards him. he's open to everyone but does it really matter? i opened myself up to him way too much during mix and match, maybe it was because we didn't know when we were going to debut and i tried so damn hard to be the leader and be strong but honestly sometimes everything doesn't work out in the end. 

my mental health was torn, i felt weaker everyday and it made me feel like a horrible role model to the boys, i pushed everyone out and totally gave up. 

until jiwon, again with his cute smile and way with words he picked me up. maybe i thought does he feel the same? nope. i was being delusional. i didn't know where these feelings came from all of a sudden to be completely honest. they stopped because i know we had to focus on debuting and being a great group and they just disappeared? until mobb was created, i felt as if i didn't do a good enough job to join him and the work we all had to do before he left to be with mino i felt the feelings hit me all over again, i felt jealous, angry and betrayed. 

i couldn't bare the thought of him with someone else. he's never had a proper relationship and we're all close with winner but now i think about it, if i tell him my feelings would it ruin our friendship and lose him forever?  
-

-  
everything went by so fast and suddenly it was next friday,

we finally got our comeback date.

after a year and a half we were coming back together as a whole group, we couldn't be happier. 

"HE LOVES OUR SONGS!" yunhyeong screams as we were in a little cafe after our meeting with yg that morning,

all the boys were all smiles, even me! 

we've been waiting for this day in months and it'll be happening in a month, we had video preparations and photoshoots. 

maybe if i push jiwon away ill feel better and my feelings would subside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't like this as much:( but it's ookaaay i just wanted to put something up!! sorry i'm so behind life's been hectic  
> :( lol i wrote this while on the train to see jiyong////g dragon lololl! and i finally finished it today! its short and storyline is slow as hell but i promise as they prepare for their comeback it'll speed up and things will heat up;))) thank you for the comments:) it means a lot!


End file.
